I started reading the above titled book last night because I have been searching for many things now being mostly on my own in this small town. Although I love it, I also miss the friendships that I used to have so close to me. I had the ability to clear about 10 mini chapter last night before slipping into a vast sleep coma.
I highly am recommending this book. I am a Christian but I have never been deeply spiritual and rarely read spiritual books other than my bible. But I was looking for something that would sum up the reasons why I feel what I feel and why to some people it may not be as important or seem weird.
Last night I learned about desire, in my upbringing I was taught that desire was a bad thing. Little did I know that desire is shared and in certain circumstances is actually a good thing. For example all women desire to be romanced. Even though who are deeply spiritual hope for the chase of prince charming. When we find that our men, or man have fallen short in this area this is where sin seems to set in. Secondly we wish to be irreplaceable in a great adventure. I have always sought to be irreplaceable in my own journey, to be something bigger, mean something to someone. For years this placed me in horrible situations ones that I would be ashamed if people knew even strangers. However there is a way to be a part of something bigger without the want to be the center of attention. Lastly women hope to unveil their beauty. This is the same reason we stand in the mirror for hours, dye our hair, mask our faces in make up, and hope for the next person around to compliment us. We shy away from the compliment to seem like we are humble but secretly we giggle and smile and glow with anticipation of the next. Why else would we put ourselves through all of the hoopla?
I completely agree with these statements however I always viewed them because of my upbringing as bad or shameful. It is not Christian to be boy crazy, or want to be the warrior in your own story, or especially to be vain. But we all are, we hope that we can indulge in these concepts without being shot down for our views.
As I go through the book I hope to share with you some insight. Some connection to the outside world that will really bring to light some of our desires without sounding like vain, greedy, crazy women.
-Something Short of Amazing
Monday, November 7, 2011
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Ramblings of an insomniac....
Sometimes I am open...
Open to things I know are wrong...
Everyone has a view from something that is open...
Views of hate, casualties, stress, anger, remorse, a laugh, a cry...
Sometimes I am closed...
Closed to the love of other people...
Never wanting something in fear they would want something...
Something in return, something I can not forget, something I will not be able to give up.
I am not addicted except to the concept that addiction is fading.
Mind over matter, things are easily fixed with hard work and dedication.
Sometimes I wonder what will come of tomorrow, monotony, surprise, waiting...
Why are we always waiting, we hate waiting but in life we become complacent and wait.
Open, Closed, why do we have to pick and choose, can't we just be, in the moment.
Make a decision, a simple decision, I am always making decisions.
The only time I don't decide is when I finally close my eyes. Then the true decisions are made.
Open to things I know are wrong...
Everyone has a view from something that is open...
Views of hate, casualties, stress, anger, remorse, a laugh, a cry...
Sometimes I am closed...
Closed to the love of other people...
Never wanting something in fear they would want something...
Something in return, something I can not forget, something I will not be able to give up.
I am not addicted except to the concept that addiction is fading.
Mind over matter, things are easily fixed with hard work and dedication.
Sometimes I wonder what will come of tomorrow, monotony, surprise, waiting...
Why are we always waiting, we hate waiting but in life we become complacent and wait.
Open, Closed, why do we have to pick and choose, can't we just be, in the moment.
Make a decision, a simple decision, I am always making decisions.
The only time I don't decide is when I finally close my eyes. Then the true decisions are made.
Unconditional Love
Something that has been on my mind lately, mostly because of family issues has been the controversy of unconditional love. I am starting to realize (though I should have always known) that not everyone had the privilege of receiving this type of love as a child. I was born into an interesting family and I emphasize born into because I have not always felt like I fit. I am quite certain that I was not adopted considering I look remarkably like my father and oldest brother. However, I am a combination of many of my quirky family members. I have always felt the need to give and recieve love openly.
In my teenage years this lent me to a larger group of female friends, that did not understand me but always needed me around. I was the one you called when you had a crisis and often had words of encouragement or truth that was often unwanted. I was raised in a Christian household that focused on the concepts of very high morals and unmitigated trust. I very seldom lied to my father and often chastised my friends for their action (when secretly I wished I was the one rebelling.)
In my early twenties this led to a barrage of heartbreaks and considering I am a Scorpio a plethora of burned bridges and crazy outbreaks. I often tried to play this off as a hormonal imbalance but more often than not it was a temper tantrum gone wrong.
I bring up these times in my life because during all of these adventures and misadventures I never once questioned the concept of unconditional love. I knew that when I loved you I loved you for life, and hate is an emotion that is derived from love. My father on more than one occasion has listed off my qualities as heart on your sleeve, love with everything, and trusting of all types. These are who I am, not products of my environment though I was loved with everything and trusted without question I was not taught to be ran over or squished. I am not fragile.
You would think that throughout these experiences that my concept of trust and love would have changed, and some would say that I am an idiot for always giving without receiving. But I understand the world differently these days and I can still say that as a friend, a spouse, a confidant, and even as an acquaintance I will continue to love unconditionally. I have become more protected throughout my days and as I am carefully approaching 30 (yay!!! me!!!) I do step more carefully around new people.
There are three types of people in this world as I see it. There are people who are selfish, people who are guarded, and people like me who know that even though they may get hurt they will give everything and expect nothing. Selfish people will make those around them miserable, they will want and look for greed in every corner of the world and never be satisfied. People who are guarded will offer pieces of themselves to those around them and when pieces are reveled that are not acceptable they will be fed to the wolves and continue to become more guarded over time. Givers are people that will give you everything regardless of the outcome. These are people who like me constantly get burned, walk into situations and get scammed.
Regardless of who you are or how you act, there has to be a balance of all three of these people in society. Like a circle these three types feed off of each other like a food chain. I ask you today to figure out who you are, write it down, think about it.
Unconditional love, can to some of you sound like a bad idea. Some of you will think that nothing you do gets you anywhere in life so you would rather be selfish and make sure you are taken care of first. Some of you will say you have been burned to many times and can put yourself out there any more. Some of you have given almost all of yourself and have nothing left to give.
Just know that somewhere out there, there is someone who loves you unconditionally, without restrictions or requests, without questions or contempt, they may be your family, your best friend, your lover, your child, or someone who can just see how amazing you are.
Unconditional love is sappy, it is corny, it is annoying, but it is the reason that we are able to wake up each day. It is the reason we call up our friends and make plans, make that special dinner, or buy plane tickets you know you will never see the money for again. It is the difference between making a good choice and making a great choice.
I may have been born to the wrong family, but I was lucky enough to be born to one that even though I am not their definition of perfect, and often they do not understand me they do love me.
I read a report that my oldest brother wrote in the seventh grade. He spent a whole of two sentences on me. "I have a sister. She complains a lot, she is also good to get a laugh off of." It may not be my idea of how I would like my brother to be entertained, but he thought enough of me to give me two sentences. How many people in your life would you give two sentences? What would they say?
-Something Short Of Amazing
In my teenage years this lent me to a larger group of female friends, that did not understand me but always needed me around. I was the one you called when you had a crisis and often had words of encouragement or truth that was often unwanted. I was raised in a Christian household that focused on the concepts of very high morals and unmitigated trust. I very seldom lied to my father and often chastised my friends for their action (when secretly I wished I was the one rebelling.)
In my early twenties this led to a barrage of heartbreaks and considering I am a Scorpio a plethora of burned bridges and crazy outbreaks. I often tried to play this off as a hormonal imbalance but more often than not it was a temper tantrum gone wrong.
I bring up these times in my life because during all of these adventures and misadventures I never once questioned the concept of unconditional love. I knew that when I loved you I loved you for life, and hate is an emotion that is derived from love. My father on more than one occasion has listed off my qualities as heart on your sleeve, love with everything, and trusting of all types. These are who I am, not products of my environment though I was loved with everything and trusted without question I was not taught to be ran over or squished. I am not fragile.
You would think that throughout these experiences that my concept of trust and love would have changed, and some would say that I am an idiot for always giving without receiving. But I understand the world differently these days and I can still say that as a friend, a spouse, a confidant, and even as an acquaintance I will continue to love unconditionally. I have become more protected throughout my days and as I am carefully approaching 30 (yay!!! me!!!) I do step more carefully around new people.
There are three types of people in this world as I see it. There are people who are selfish, people who are guarded, and people like me who know that even though they may get hurt they will give everything and expect nothing. Selfish people will make those around them miserable, they will want and look for greed in every corner of the world and never be satisfied. People who are guarded will offer pieces of themselves to those around them and when pieces are reveled that are not acceptable they will be fed to the wolves and continue to become more guarded over time. Givers are people that will give you everything regardless of the outcome. These are people who like me constantly get burned, walk into situations and get scammed.
Regardless of who you are or how you act, there has to be a balance of all three of these people in society. Like a circle these three types feed off of each other like a food chain. I ask you today to figure out who you are, write it down, think about it.
Unconditional love, can to some of you sound like a bad idea. Some of you will think that nothing you do gets you anywhere in life so you would rather be selfish and make sure you are taken care of first. Some of you will say you have been burned to many times and can put yourself out there any more. Some of you have given almost all of yourself and have nothing left to give.
Just know that somewhere out there, there is someone who loves you unconditionally, without restrictions or requests, without questions or contempt, they may be your family, your best friend, your lover, your child, or someone who can just see how amazing you are.
Unconditional love is sappy, it is corny, it is annoying, but it is the reason that we are able to wake up each day. It is the reason we call up our friends and make plans, make that special dinner, or buy plane tickets you know you will never see the money for again. It is the difference between making a good choice and making a great choice.
I may have been born to the wrong family, but I was lucky enough to be born to one that even though I am not their definition of perfect, and often they do not understand me they do love me.
I read a report that my oldest brother wrote in the seventh grade. He spent a whole of two sentences on me. "I have a sister. She complains a lot, she is also good to get a laugh off of." It may not be my idea of how I would like my brother to be entertained, but he thought enough of me to give me two sentences. How many people in your life would you give two sentences? What would they say?
-Something Short Of Amazing
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